Bye bye blackbird

Gears or no gears? that is the question...

2009-10-03T20:06:00.003Z

Are all these gears necessary? Well, yes, I can see how beneficial they are, but I feel that I am spending all my time trying to figure out the gears and the best combinations to use (and I'm trying really hard not to swear).

Anyway, my mission to get ready for the Great Bicyclette Ride continues. I have realised that not only do I need to get cycling (o dear God how am I going to manage 50 miles??) but I need to get fitter overall and I need to build up my stamina. Part of my exercise routine plan is going to be going swimming on a Wednesday evening. Wednesday evening is ladies night at the pool. At 9 o'clock, the lights went out as I was swimming a length and I thought there had been a power cut but moments later blue lights flickered on in the pool and music pumped out over the speakers. I was a little sceptical at first, wondering why ladies night equalled blue lights and fast music, but in the end it was a welcome distraction from my pathetic attempts at swimming.

Tomorrow I am getting on my bike again and hope to cover at least a little distance before I bugger up the gears.

Introducing Freya Sky

2009-09-22T21:22:00.007Z

Welcome to the world Freya.

A lot of people love you including these two handsome fellas:

Single professional female in possession of own hair seeks tall, dark, handsome male; GSOH and own teeth a must.

2009-09-21T10:54:00.009Z

Recently I dipped my toe (the big one on my right foot) into the waters of online dating. I have had limited success (ie. none) because having been freaked out by some of the, well, freaks out there I have backed away to rethink and muster my forces. I received messages like:

"I have recently moved to this country and you seem like just the woman for me, I am not messing about! If you are interested in me email englishwifeequalsvisa@illegalimigrant.com"

or..."I like cats too, our cats should meet.." I wasn't sure who I was organising a date for me or Freddie my cat.

or..."I hope you like my profile and will send me a message. You probably won't reply, most women are just heartless on these sites and mess men about." I didn't reply.

I know someone who went on a first date only to be informed that the guy had picked out 'the ring' and was just waiting to find the right girl. Later he observed that mixed race children were cute (she was white he was black). Nothing like taking things slow.

A friend was dumped recently she informs me; she never went on a date with this guy but he arranged and cancelled 3 dates with her before deciding there was no future for them "I've been dumped!"

Now, I must be fair because I also know plenty of people who have met great guys through online dating, who have met their life partners. On reflection, and having spoken to some veterans of online dating, I realise that I need to be more proactive, message more men and not just wait for them to contact me. My recent experience was just an experiment to see what online dating looked like; I think I now need to take a deep breath and get back in there whole-hearted. In a way online dating and I have had our first date and although things didn't go all that well I think it may be worth a second look.

The Case of the Missing Member

2009-09-16T19:32:00.002Z

It was early on a Wednesday morning; the train creeped slowly up to the platform. Soon I was boarding the full train to London Bridge, leaning up against a chair to steady myself as the train moved off as there was no seat to be had. A man stepped onto the busy coach and stood across the aisle from me, little more than a foot away. I looked past him out the window beyond; the sun was breaking through the clouds. As the train set off it soon became apparent that something was wrong with this man. Did he have no control over his hand? Had an alien invader entered his trousers as he waited on the station platform? Perhaps something vital was missing and he could not believe it was no longer there? Whatever it was, this poor man could not stop from investigating his crotch area...

Honestly! What was he thinking? He could not leave himself alone. Every couple of minutes he was leaning over slightly one way or another and having a good scratch or feel of his crotch. I felt quite awkward, there was no way that he could have thought he was being discrete about it and I had to work hard to school my face to show no sign that I had noticed this strange behaviour. I was tempted to advise him to seek medical help because that much scratching can't be a good sign surely? Maybe he had suddenly realised something was missing and was desperately attempting to find it before panic set in.

Conversations on a train

2009-09-15T19:45:00.003Z

17.29 train from London Bridge to Horsham.

I step onto the train within plenty of time and sit down (soggy and bedraggled from my walk through the rain in Islington, dodging puddles and standing well back at pedestrian crossings as cars drove by with a wave). Two women squeeze onto the train moments before it sets off. A curly ginger haired woman sits next to me and her brunette companion sits across from her. The conversation commences thus:

Ginger: "Did I tell you we put an advert in the Metro? We did but it was only small, but I spoke to Linda and she said she would include us. We need someone to cover Knightsbridge or Kensington but we don't know where we are going or who will replace us and we really need someone. They could do 10 'til 5 or 11 'til 6 so I told Casey and said 'you would be perfect, you should totally apply' But she would prbably do 11 'til 6 'cos she loves her bed (titter) but that would totally suit her. But now I'm going to help with recruitment 'cos we need someone there."

Brunette: "hmmmm"

Ginger: "and I rang Lucy and she said she bought cream! Yes cream! Can you believe it? Of course you can't! And she walks in last night and is all "whats that smell?!" and I'm like "what smell?" and she's "that smell!" Because I had eaten eggs but I had gotten rid of the smell.

Brunette: "yeah?"

(at this point this non-stop one-sided conversation has been going on for 20 minutes. I am so wet and tired and longing for a little peace and quiet that I have to struggle with myself not to turn around, shake her and yell "SHUT UP!!!")

Ginger: "So next week I'm on holiday and Steve is all I haven't booked the time off! and I tell him you either get on that plane or this is off! Because I have my new bikini and I have booked my tanning salon session."

(Ginger Yawns, thereby taking her first breath.

Ginger: "This train is taking so much longer than usual!"

(At this point Brunette makes her first multi-syllablic utterance)

Brunette: "Yeah, you're usually off the train by now."

Ginger: (Nervous titter) "Sorry to have been such an inconvenience" (Nervous titter) ..."So Steve took me out to that new Thai place..."

The Devil's Piss Jam Company

2009-09-15T19:08:00.001Z

The Devil's Piss Jam Company proudly presents....Day 2.

Sunday morning, my second day at chez Anne and Seth. After a breakfast of toast and homemade apple and blackberry jam (see, famous five - all we need now is lashings of ginger beer) we decide to go for a walk. Off we set armed with Anne's map.

Interlude - I have many memories of Anne and her obsession with maps. she would bring them into school and plan out some new route she was going to follow at the weekend. Once, soon after we first met, Anne tried to convince me that I lived in London. It was one of many heated arguments we had and no matter how many times I insisted that, as I in fact lived in Woodmansterne and she had never been there in her life I should know whether or not I lived in London. One day she brought in a map to prove she was right....o dear. She flourished the map before me pointed out where Woodmansterne was and then dealt her master stroke, "you live inside the M25!" This was the first but not the last time that I encountered people telling me that all within the M25 was London (as if it were some barrier keeping back the evil tide of the capital) so I do understand where she was coming from. It is similar to the belief that there is nothing beyond the Watford Gap; there is nothing outside of London - we are all sucked into it's gaping maw! Anyway I digress.

On our walk we notice the blackberrys abundant in the hedgerow and Anne says "In September the Devil pisses on the blackberrys" You can imagine my shock, this was not something I had ever heard before. Is this a delicacy in Wiltshire? Or is this a conspiracy of the satan -worshippers from the previous night? "Hello, me darlin'. Would you like some of my finest Devil's Piss Blackberry Jam?" Apparently, because the blackberry's go bitter in September, it is said that the Devil pisses (or spits) on them. I have read since that it is after the 29th September this happens ( the 29th being Michaelmas - I suppose after Archangel Michael kicked Lucifer out of Heaven, Lucifer was so pissed off (literally) that he pissed on the blackberrys). I think there could be a niche for Devil's Piss Jam. Not everyone wants to eat the jam made from organic fruit that fell from the tree, fruit which was allowed to range freely and was gathered by nuns wearing soft cotton gloves singing hymns of love and gratitude over them. No! Some people out there want to rebel! They want jam from fruit that was ripped from the tree by people who hate babies and kittens, standing in the pouring rain on a wet cold English morning whilst a sick parrot screeches in a barn nearby, fruit which had such a miserable life that it tastes like devil's piss and has to be pumped full of sugar and flavourings! Now these people can be served by the Devil's Piss Jam Company! After all, should there not be freedom of choice? Does everyone want to live healthy, morally and evironmentally conscious lives? I think not! Devil's Piss Jam will stand for the rights of the common man.

So that was just a taste of the thoughts and rantings that Anne and Seth had to put up with after she said "the Devil...etc etc."

A Famous Five Adventure in West Dean

2009-09-14T17:38:00.002Z

A couple of weekends ago I went to visit my good friend Anne and her long suffering (only kidding) boyfriend Seth who have recently moved to a lovely cottage in West Dean. So Saturday morning I make my way there and arrive, very punctually, at 2pm at their new home - I was at the designated place at the designated time. About 5 minutes before as I was driving I had received a text. It turned out to be a text from Anne telling me that she was in Romsey; of course, I always plan to be out when I have visitors coming. I sat in the boot of my car buddha like and awaited their arrival. I wasn't waiting long and they soon rolled up with a double mattress folded up in the boot of the car, which was for me to sleep on so all was forgiven.

Their cottage is delightful and it sits on a farm at the top of a hill overlooking a country church and a sleepy little village. They don't have central heating but they do have a real fire and a Rayburn! So much more exciting and I recorded the first efforts of lighting it, which went surprisingly well.

Anne and I sat outside in the large garden drinking wine whilst Seth excitedly got out the lawnmower for the first time to cut the grass (it must be a man thing to get so excited about being able to cut the grass in a new home but I am sure it wont last). We laughed about how Laura who was making her way there by train would surely get lost and we would get a text from her saying she was at a train station in Scotland (or possibly even on a ferry on her way to France - "West Dean's in France right?"). However, we had clearly underestimated Laura because Anne suddenly realised that she had been sent a text message from Laura about 10 mintues ago saying she had arrived at West Dean station and was waiting for Anne to meet her as she had promised. Up we leapt, slightly tipsy and full of remorse at forgetting to be vigilant, and ran with all due haste down the hill to the sleepy village to rescue the damsel in distress. We found her calmly sitting on a bench near the station. We made our, much more sedately, way back up the hill.

The Great Rayburn Lighting Adventure
I had more of an overseer role and Laura kept a candlelit vigil, her hopes and prayers with the fire to keep it burning. Seth threw on twigs and Anne passed on advice given by her dad and Anne, Laura and I ran outside to see if we could see any smoke coming out of the chimney.

It was a good day with lots of wine and laughter, reminiscing and mocking old school acquaintances behind their backs. Laura couldn't seem to relax and was determined to be useful either by making a salad or by hanging curtains. She constantly asked to unpack things or would spot a job to be done "a cd rack! do you have cds? I could put them out!"..."this picture would look great on this wall, I could put it up for you!" Laura and I had very different expectations of the weekend - she thought she had been invited down to help unpack and arrange furniture, I thought I had been invited for a piss up. Thankfully I was right. Laura got her way with hanging curtains but it turned around a bit her on the ass. It turned out that a cat had slept on the curtains and Laura is allergic to...cats. By the time she left West Dean her nose and eyes were swollen and streaming and she was speaking like she had cotton wool stuffed up her nostrils. When she got home her husband must have wondered what we had been doing to her.

As Laura was not staying that night, we saw her down the hill to that sleepy village (with not a street light to be seen) and took her to the railway station (which being in the country was not much more than a shed with a platform). When we got there we discovered there were no lights on the platform. We tripped our way up and upon me exclaiming at the lack of lighting on that 'deserted' platform, a voice came out of the darkness announcing "lights bin owt a week" I then jumped round to face the shadows under the platform awning and shrieked "O my God there's someone there!" Calm and level headed at all times. Eventually the train creeped slowly (really really slowly) up to the platform and we saw Laura on to the train (following a 5 minute wait in which I had told the horror story of the girl who gets off on a darkened platform and the next day when her family try to find the girl, whose name is Laura, they don't think to look at the old abandoned train station where NO trains stop anymore and if they did all they would find, if they were looking closely enough, is a peeling poster advertising train trips to Brighton showing a picture of a blond haired girl standing on a train platform...). "bye, bye Laura, have a safe trip home."

At this point I was not ready to turn in so I suggested we find a local hostelry. Anne and Seth knew of one within walking distance, which they had never been to before (o why o why did we choose to go to that one). So armed with a torch, an anorak (rock and roll) and thoughts of the beverages ahead of us we traipsed down the dark country lane towards the pub. At this point I am starting to feel like I'm in a famous five story...The Famous Five (Brianne, Anne, Seth, Laura and Gerbil) and the Mystery of the Ghostly Railway Station. As we walked through the dark I saw one baleful red eye looking down on us from a tower off to the right (so maybe we are in Lord of the Rings now). I assume it was some sort of telecommuncations mast or some such thing.

We arrived at the pub and little did we know what we were stepping into (the mines of moria?). The walls were painted a dark red with dark red furnishings everywhere and a fire roared over to one side. This all gave a hellish cast to the evening as we sat fanning our glowing sweat drenched faces and drinking vinegary wine. Then we went to the toilets....well, what can I say to express my disbelief....In the ladies the walls were covered in a mixture of 1950's memorabilia and pictures of semi naked men and down near the sink was a golden statue of a man with a large penis. Apparently the gents had a similar decor with naked ladies and Marilyn Monroe. Soon afterwards we left the pub, which looked so cute and country on the outside but secretly harboured a group of satan-worshipping porno addicts (who also collect 1950's memorabilia).

So ended day 1. What could day 2 possibly bring...Tune in next time when the Famous Five become embroiled in the conspiracy of...The Devil's Piss Jam.

NB. 'Gerbil' (for those who didn't work it out) is Anne's pet gerbil who has a little problem with pus filled ears and inclinations for jumping from high places.

Heavy Metal Egg-Bangers

2009-09-11T08:10:00.006Z

Today I get into my car turn it on and I've forgotten that last night as I drove home I was listening to a heavy metal cd and it really wasn't the sort of thing I would choose to listen to at 7.30am. So after I have manouevered (isn't that a great word? say it with me now: "manouevered"; sensuous in the mouth and yet slightly comical) my car around so that I'm facing in the right direction I hit the radio button and hit a channel at random and get Classic FM, suddenly going from one extreme to another. It was just thing as it turns out, soothing, relaxing and preparing my mind for the day ahead when I would discover the computers weren't working, my RA01 form had gone missing and the soles of my shoes had a falling out with the rest of the shoe (the shoes I bought 4 years ago in New York - good times). As I drove along Tchaicovsky's Finale to Swan Lake came on and it brought back memories of my mum taking me to see the ballet when I was little girl and I remember being completely enchanted. Later that year we went to the ballet again to see Cinderella and I gazed wonderingly at the picture of Cinderella on the front and thought how beautiful she looked.

That was also the evening my mother decided to cook an aubergine for the first time - and the first time I had ever seen an aubergine and imagine my sense of sceptism that there was such a thing as a purple vegetable and who was she trying to fool! She had found a recipe for stuffed aubergine/egg plant (potato,pot-ar-to), had left the purple item in the oven and promptly forgot about it. We came back from the ballet to discover the blackened and deflated aubergine in the oven. Deflated is the best way to describe, it did look like a popped balloon (like those ones they have at fairs that they have somehow filled with glitter and ribbons and a disgruntled looking teddy bear. "here little girl, have a purple balloon full of mince and vegetables"). My mother was and is not a bad cook, no matter what my brother Mark would say. She has a limited repertiore and when she does try something new it has often gone wrong but she is very good at cooking warming, homely traditional British food; my favourite meal is still her liver and bacon (yum). What would always let her down when we were kids was her memory. There were countless times that she forgot something was in the oven, forgot about the sausages on the grill (which would then errupt into flames) or let the water boil away when boiling an egg until we would hear a BANG and discover the egg had exploded.

Anyway, listening to Swan Lake this morning brought back happy memories of all the wonderful places my mum would take me when I was kid. I remember thinking she was the coolest mum possible (and friends often told me that I was right to think this). She took me to the ballet, opera, Regent's Park Open Air theatre, art galleries, trips to European cities and wonderful restaurants. She encouraged my imagination and desire to see and experience new things and places. My relationship with my mother has often not been an easy thing but as I have matured I have realised again how special she is, I only wish I could tell her, but for all the things that my mother has shared with me as I grew up she did not like to share feelings (at least not openly); probably why things have been at times fraught with tension because I am the complete opposite.

By the way, do you like my title? head banging > egg banging...get it? maybe I should start a series of posts with egg themed titles such as "Egg - citing tales of the day!" hmmm, I will have to give that one some thought.

The Great Bicycle Challenge

2009-09-10T21:57:00.002Z

So I have agreed to go on a 50 mile bike ride next year. Although, for the most part, people have been encouraging when I have told them this I am sure that they must secretly find it very funny. The reason I say this is because I am probably the last person anyone would expect to get on a bike and cycle 50 miles in the rain (no I'm not psychic, but my 27 years of life in England have taught me that of course it will rain, so...50.miles.in.the.rain). I am unfit, I have not owned a bike since mine was stolen when I was 17 (a very traumatic experience preventing me from buying another one ever again, or so I thought) and I have done very little cycling since then except for gentle cycle rides on holiday such as going across Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. However, I am a very determined (stubborn) person once I set my mind to something so, I will do it and I will be ready. Anyway, I thought I might as well return to this whole blogging affair to record my (disasterous) efforts to get ready for this cycle ride.
Let me begin with 'assembling the bike'.

My brother Mark helps me to choose a bike. He lets me try out his wife Sarah's bike and talks about what sort of thing I should be looking for and then takes me along to a bike shop to actually look at some in the flesh, so to speak (or aluminium, whatever). Standing just down the road from said shop Mark preps me for speaking to Mr Bike Shop Man, ie what I am going to be using the bike for, where I will be using it and some other stuff that I didn't really get and he says "if he should ask, tell him you live in Heckingham" to which I replied "I am not going to pretend I'm from Norfolk!" (no offence if you have stumbled across this blog and you are from Norfolk, it is only that I am Surrey girl through and through and I probably would have gone bright red if I had tried to lie; some evil part of my subconscious would have inevitably tried to fake a Norfolk accent and then I may have broken out into a line or two of "I've got a brand new combine harvester!"...disasterous). So into the shop we go, I garble out some load of rubbish about wanting a bike for leisure, to get fit, maybe a little off road, by which I mean a PATH instead of a ROAD, and maybe commuting. Mr Bike Shop Man then proceeds to talk to me at length about things so completely alien to me he might as well have been speaking in an alien tongue; in fact I think he was. I heard such words as slicks, a-heads, suspension forks and 18" versus 20". I smiled and nodded and by the end felt a little faint. I sat on bikes, tripped over pedals and tried to avoid eye contact with the other people in the shop. My newphew who was there had a great time watching a man do things to a bike (I don't know what he was doing, he had tools). Finally I escaped. Later, using my new found knowledge and bike experience (ha!) I bought a bike on the internet for a lot less then it was in the shop.

Less than a week later, it arrives in a big box. I take it out and there I am all alone with a bike with its handlebars hanging off, the saddle and front wheel on the floor and the pedals and other interesting bits in a little brown cardboard box (At this point I have not looked too closely at the bits in the box in case they might blow my mind). At the time of ordering the bike my brother schooled me carefully in what I would need to do to put the final bits together. So there I am ready and armed with a pedal spanner and a...God damn it! where has the allen key gone! Great, I can put the pedals on but I am not getting far without a front wheel or a saddle. So the bike remained in bits on the floor and I went away for the weekend to visit Anne and Seth's lovely new home to catch up, drink wine, bemoan the fact that I have failed to put my bike together and do not know when I will have time to stop by a hardware shop to get an allen key (hexagon key), drink some more wine, eat Anne and Seth's pasta bake, go for a late night walk down country lanes to the pub where porno loving satan worshippers hang out (another story for another time) and drink some more wine. So far it may seem that the whole bike thing is a bit of a washout but actually I got home on Sunday, found an allen key and put the bike together, no problems.

Next installment: does my bum look big in this? Maybe, maybe not but it bloody hurts!

2009-02-07T15:13:00.000Z

25 Random Things

2009-02-07T15:01:00.003Z

The '25 random things' chain letter (copied from a note on facebook)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. My new year resolution was to try lots of new things (this was also to include things I hadn’t done in a long time that I wanted to do again).

2. there is a mark on my neck which looks like a tiny hole and has been there since my birth and my grandmother would tell me it was where God cast off when he made me. I have recently found out that 2 other members of my family have this same mark.

3. I love reading fantasy/sci fi fiction and used to get upset as a child when none of the things in the stories happened in real life.

4. I love to dance round the house to the sound of Cat Stevens singing ‘I’ve found a love’ (actually any song will do but this one holds particularly good memories).

5. I hate it when people turn over the corners of book pages.

6. I love licorice pipes.

7. I once went on a road trip in the US of A with 2 good friends and a car called ‘Douglas’.

8. Eddie Izzard is a comic genius and Darth Vadar does not need a tray!

9. I was once stranded with two friends on a tiny desert island in the Caribbean and there was a big storm, glowing plankton, a good and a bad dog and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

10. My name is an amalgamation of my parents – Brian and Anne.

11. Dune is one of my favorite films…He who controls the Spice controls the universe.

12. My dad refused to agree on a boys name for me before my birth insisting that I would be a girl, as they entered the hospital on my birthday my mum insisted that he accept that they may have another son and what were they going to name it. ‘William Charles’ he said. ‘how did you think of that name?’ she asked. He pointed to the sign above the toilet ‘WC’. I was almost named after a toilet.

13. I love the adverts for the natural confectionary company sweets, they make me laugh so much I cry.

14. When I went to see the secondary school I would be attending, I met a strange girl carrying a dead, and very dried up, lizard.

15. ‘release your inner banana’ – either you get it or you don’t.

16. I never did find out who alien girl was.

17.I love to go to the Tate modern on a Sunday and then walk along the river surreptitiously people watching.

18. I get to play as part of my job.

19. I love thunder storms.

20. everybody should have friends who they can play Gladiators with and do home made assault courses.

21. I understand what it means to be asked ‘topol?’ and the answer is ‘yes, I will thanks’.

22. sometimes the Christmas turkey wants revenge even if that means pulling its half eaten carcass out of the rubbish bag, climbing up the steps and knocking on the door (and it will return if you try to throw it away again). Just remember, if you’re not a vegetarian it’s coming after you. Turkey’s gonna get you…

23. Mr Newtie still rents space on the top shelf of my wardrobe from time to time (when he’s taking time out from the spy business).

24. I should make more of an effort to keep in touch with old friends. They are all amazing people.

25. I love the word ‘ocean’. The actual thing is pretty brilliant too.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T21:40:00.001Z

It only takes a couple of drinks for Bob to get the hat out. Ho ho ho!

2008-12-24T21:39:00.001Z

I am rediscovering muscles in my thighs that I had forgotten (they are screaming at me). Perhaps a return to horse-riding was not such a good idea...ouch.

2008-12-20T21:30:00.001Z

The Orange

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

By Wendy Cope

2008-12-20T21:19:00.000Z

there is nothing like the feel of the wind in your fur to make you feel like a new dog.

photo archive

2008-12-19T18:59:00.003Z

During the week a speech and language therapist...
...at the weekend a wrestler.

who on earth convinced me to put this on for the photo.

2008-12-14T21:35:00.003Z

are you okay?

no

why?

that's the problem...no bugger knows

oh...I meant...are you okay right now, I mean relatively speaking?

I'm getting weaker and weaker...ha ha I might not be here in the morning.

...

I love you...I'm proud of you.

The Return

2008-12-11T20:37:00.004Z

strange to think that the last time I posted I was in a limbo, caught between the end of one phase of my life and not realising that very soon another would begin. I had just finished my masters and feeling daunted by the idea of trying to get a job. Then n November 2007 I started my current job and just over a year on i am no longer a newly qulified therapist, i am a fully fledged speech and language therapist.

It seems a shame that I have abandoned this blog. So I am re-inspired by the Polley sisters and I shall once again return and continue with the thursday photo blogs (although they shall be more like random day of the week photo blog).

Autumn

2007-09-29T19:05:00.000Z

I had forgotten just how much I loved this time of year. The last couple of years I had been so busy in the autumn settling into another academic year and starting new placements. I love putting on an extra layer of clothing and pulling my scarf close round my face as the days get cooler and I have watched the dark stormy clouds close in with delight (although as yet the storm has not delivered). The pavement outside my house is littered with the cases of fallen chestnuts and the conkers are bright and shiny and so full of colour. the house feels cosy and warm when I come inside and i appreciate the comforts of home more when it is cold outside. How beautiful it will be once the leaves turn, i must catch the moment before it passes and they are all gone.

On the tip of my fingers...

2007-09-26T09:30:00.000Z

Scrabbling in my mind for the words that refuse to come. On the tip of my tongue to the tips of my fingers. Is this a picture of my life at the moment, grasping for dreams that slip away just beyond my reach like the winning words in a game of scrabble. I ponder over which direction to take. Which tile and space on the board will bring me the greatest reward? After I make my move is it too late? My words are laid and that turn will never be played again.

Sometimes the words remain infuriatingly on the tip of my tongue and sometimes they slip off too easily and can never be unsaid.

Esther is right to say words are amazing. The right words, the wrong words. How they can change our lives. The words we use in an interview, the words we use in a moment of anger or tiredness, the words which bring a smile to a stranger's face.

The tiles cannot be unplayed, the words will not be unsaid. But sometimes when all seems lost, our next words can change this game we're playing.

where do you go little bird...

2007-09-04T13:17:00.000Z

I handed my dissertation in yesterday and it was just as much the anticlimax as i suspected it would be. That's it. All I can do I have done. now i wait to hear what results i get and whether I get my Masters. whatever that means.

What do i do now? I don't know and that's scary and exciting. I have never felt so alive as when i am cut free and drifting, lifted on a wave and sent crashing down at the same moment. What is the right choice to make at this time? Is it right that at this time when my dad is unwell i am considering a position abroad? I think i'm learning to let go and I know that my decisions are not as permanent as I think they are. I'm still young and i'm going to try a few things out and see what happens. If it doesn't work out then so what.

2007-08-31T13:20:00.000Z

When I was about ten years old I stood in my parents living room at out house in chipstead way and i had what might be called a vision, a hallucination, a waking dream. Last night i kept thinking about it as i tried to sleep. As i stood there i saw before me standing in a line my dad, mum and my older brother Mark and as i watched they died and disappeared. As you can imagine it was quite upsetting at the time and i felt very alone. Last night I thought about how hard it must be to watch the people you love grow old and frail and eventually die. I don't want to bring that on someone.

I'm living back with my parents for the time being and i've been busy working on my dissertation. My Mum is in China at the moment so it's just me and my dad here. Last night i sat typing after my dad had gone to bed and I was listening to music through my headphones so i din't hear at first the noises my dad was making. Finally I took the headphones out and I could hear him thumping on the floor of his bedroom and swearing. It turned out he had fallen out of bed and couldn't get back up off the floor. He couldn't even sit himself up. The arthritis and the weakness from the stroke meant he could help himself. I tried to help him, pull him up, push him up, but i couldn't move his weight. he kept saying "I dont know what i'm going to do" and he wouldn't let me call for an ambulance. He was so embarrased he hadn't even called for me and he didnt want strangers in the house seeing what had happened. I kept trying to make a joke out of it but i really felt panicky. I finally got him up by pushing cushions under his hips until he was able to sit up and get his feet under him better than with me hauling on his arm we were able to get him up.

I'm so selfish. i hadn't how helpless i felt but it was my dad who was stuck on the floor. I'm scared that things will get only get worse and i can't help.

The breaking up of the fellowship......

2007-06-28T10:18:00.000Z

Gemma and Shiv left yesterday and now the final three housemates are packing up their belongings and preparing to leave the SLT house.

These are my final student days (i have said that before but hopefully this time it's true). I have loved living in this house with these people. I have been really lucky in my experiences at university, both times I have met wonderful people who have made a real difference in my life. I'm really going to miss everyone from the course

Laura ...............................................Rachel

Sarah...............................................Helen

Kath...............................................Gemma

Siobhan..................................Kate

Naomi............................Sally

Bryony

how would I have got through these two years without them. Especially my housemates

I PASSED!!!!!!

2007-06-26T10:40:00.000Z

I passed my clinical exams!!!! No retakes!!! I passed i passed i passed i passed i passed.

now i am going to find a dark room to go and lie down in before i pass out.

Party, Farewells and Roxanne

2007-06-21T09:06:00.000Z

Exams are over, the course is almost over and in a weeks time we all move out of the SLT house. So we decided to finish of the year with a bang. I will never listen to the Roxanne song in quite the same way ever again.

THE FINAL EXAM

2007-06-15T10:32:00.000Z

Yesterday was my last exam and i think it went okay. The important thing at the moment is that i have finished, finally i have finished with exams. This afternoon everyone will have finished and we can finally go out and celebrate and this evening Mrs Spottiswood will stop by. it will be nice to do something and see people who have nothing to do with speech and language therapy.

THE UNSEEN

2007-06-08T14:51:00.000Z

Yesterday I had my unseen exam. The process started at 11.30am with the session with a paediatric client and finished at about 3.30pm with the end of my viva. it all went by so fast that i stepped out of the clinic at 3.30 feeling dazed and sure that I had in fact only arrived about 5 minutes ago. I never want to go through a day like that again. My anxiety levels were through the roof all day and i was awash with adrenalin. Last night I couldn't get to sleep because I kept replaying in my head the viva and all the stupid things i said. ARGH! i must not fail, i don't think i could face it again. i how have until thursday to prepare for the video exam next week.

6 days to go and counting...

Two Weeks To Go!!!!

2007-05-31T15:46:00.000Z

i have been so ecstatic about finishing my written exams and sampling the social whirlwind that I have not taken time to blog. Last Thursday I had my fourth and final (forever please forever) written exam. The few days after that are a bit of a blur (there was some drinking I think) but now I am back to work because unfortunately the written exams were not the end. The scary bit is yet to come. Next Thursday i shall be fed to the lions (well, a small child actually), I have my clinical exam. I shall attempt to carry out an initial assessment on a small child whilst being watched by two examiners and then I shall have to justify why i did what I did. Great. the week after that is the adult exam.

It is almost over though. in a fortnight i would have finished (not counting my dissertation).

2 weeks until the end and counting...

2007-05-18T07:09:00.001Z

my second exam is over, i'm halfway through the written exams (i almost didn't make it to the exam hall because i followed Gemma's 'shortcut'). two more exams to go, 2 clinical exams, 2 more days of placement and a dissertation to write...easy...

Here is my belated thursday photo:

The girl's of St. Bart's. hopefully those carefree days will be back again soon.

4 weeks until the end and counting...

Rudy

2007-05-18T07:05:00.000Z

The puppy died yesterday. the poor thing made it through the first two nights but was not stong enough to keep going. He didn't die nameless though, because he had a red nose he gained the name of Ruldolph. Bye Rudy.

A step closer

2007-05-15T19:45:00.000Z

My first exam is over and I think it went okay but, as I hate to dissect exams afterwards, I am not going to discuss it. I am a step closer to the end.

Bonnie's puppies were born today. there were four of them but one was still born and one is very sickly looking. Two are very healthy and typical little Jack Russells, I only hope the little one survives but I must admit I think there is not much chance of that; perhaps he/she will surprise me. Happy Birthday Puppies!

Please feel free to suggest names for the puppies.

A wet and windy Thursday Photo Archive

2007-05-10T20:03:00.000Z

This photo of me getting soaked at Niagara falls seems fitting on a day of constant rain. By the way, my face is not red because i got burnt; those bloody awful blue plastic bags they give you to wear are very good for cooking you in your own body heat. They are also very unflattering as Esther knows. I was very tempted to put a photo of esther here wearing this fashion item but i was pretty sure that if I did i would not live to see my graduation (and i've worked bloody hard to reach that day).

5 weeks and 1 day until the end...

Monday monday

2007-05-07T08:14:00.000Z

To everyone out there who is able to appreciate it...Happy Bank Holiday Monday. Enjoy your day off. I should be revising but have not quite got round to starting today. i have woken up with no motivation; i think i have burnt out already. right now it's very tempting to go back to bed and sleep untill it's all over. "o dear, did i miss the exams. what a shame." I am fighting a battle against fear and boredom. I'm not sure which one is worse. today it is the turn of boredom. okay i will stop procrastinating and get to work...i'm going now....i will just make sure i do not have some profound thoughts to impart which i must be sure to post...erm...no, i think i have absolutely nothing to say...help...no no i'm going now......................................................... .................................................................................i wonder if anyone is on messenger right now...

Photo Archive Thursday (disguised as Friday)

2007-05-04T13:15:00.000Z

I missed photo Thursday again!! i'm rubbish.

A little reminder of the good old days of Hawthorns back when I was last revising for final exams. This might have given me an idea for an alternative career path if all goes wrong over the next 6 weeks.

6 weeks until the end and counting

Then there were three...or five.

2007-05-04T13:07:00.000Z

My parents brought their new dog, Bonnie, home on Wednesday and she has been busy getting to know her new home. In one months time she will be having her two puppies. I was discussing with Lammie the therapeutic value of dogs. I think it will be good for my dad to have a dog around again I think it will get him out of the house more. Of course in Lammie's case dogs are less therapeutic and are in fact demented. It could only hapen to her. I have never had to deal with vicious animals on placement. I can only imagine that if Esther does become a midwife that somehow dogs will beset her from all directions even within a hospital.

6 weeks until the end and counting

A new addition to the family

2007-04-29T13:52:00.000Z

My parents have decided to adopt a dog from a rescue centre. She is a jack russell and she is pregnant. Here she is:

I can't wait to meet her when i go home for the summer, I am obviously still a kid at heart who is easily pleased.

Procrastination, photos, final coursework and foxes

2007-04-28T12:44:00.000Z

I realised today that i have not kept up with the photo archive blogs, i have a lot of things to be getting on with but i don't think i should be passing up on a golden opportunity to procrastinate.

I came across a photo from Angie's wedding in my archive; it made me laugh (which is always good thing during revision) so here it is - Anne's right nostril:

Yesterday I handed in my last piece of coursework (not including my dissertation). Please God let it be my last, don't let me get any foolish notions about returning to education ever ever again.

It will all soon be over and i can start seriously looking for jobs (although i don't actually graduate until November). I am tired of it all at the moment and it is very tempting at the moment to pack up my bags and go and start up that hippy commune in New Zealand that was so tempting to Esther and me at the end of our final years (as long as I can take all my books with me, my computer and my mp3 player).

Conversation in this house is a little sparse at the moment. It's a struggle to find something to talk about other than speech and language therapy and in the evening sometimes we just end up slumped around the dinning table in almost unbroken silence. Luckily we have foxes living in our garden at the moment which provide us with alternative conversation topics and moments of distraction when they come up to our living room window. It's amazing how exciting the wildlife in your garden can be when you spend most of your day tied to your desk (sigh).

Revision!!! (again)

2007-04-23T18:44:00.000Z

It is revision time again. Why have i put myself through this again? I remember conversations with Esther (over many cups of coffee) in our final year at Keele when we would say that we would never put ourselves through this again. The boredom is the worse thing. I hate doing the same thing for too long, i get fidgety and start biouncing off the walls. I just took a look through the archives of my old blog and found this entry:

"I have finished my degree. three years of hard slog (sometimes) over with. no gradual coming to a stop...in a moment i went from being a finalist frantically writing....to...(stop writing)...nothing...I sat for perhaps two seconds a strange grin on my face (buts what new about that?) as it dawned on me that a lifetime in the education system had come to an end (for now).

I came home and i was tired and deflated...i cannot adjust to doing nothing so i have tidied the flat, tidied my room, and now i blog...i have never felt so calm during an exam period as i have during this one. God has been so good to me, bringing peace to His crazy child...I perhaps have not made it so peaceful for my flatmates...Esther has told me i have stretched my weirdness so far that there is no coming back. Perhaps my mind is like a rubber band i have stretched until it snapped...or perhaps there is still some stretch left..."

I hope my mind does have some stretch left.

This time is definitely the last time i put myself through this.

See you on the other side.

2007-04-12T16:29:00.000Z

Phot Archive Thursday

2007-03-29T09:11:00.000Z

Douglas, douglas, douglas, douglas!!!!!

Where are you now Douglas? Has anyone cared for you as much as we did? Do you remember us fondly when you drive by a starbucks? do you hear the ghost of a voice saying"frappo, frappo"? We shall not forget you Douglas.

Photo Archive Thursday

2007-03-22T09:08:00.000Z

This photo is one of my favourites. I like how it feels and the sky seems so blue behind the black bars.

roller coaster

2007-03-21T22:45:00.000Z

Today was quite positive. My session today went very well and although my feedback for my placement so far was not glowing it left me feeling that perhaps i was getting there. I should be feeling good but instead i am wary. My confidence has taken such a dive recently that i find myself waiting for fate to kick me in the teeth and show me where my next fuck up will be.

After the easter weekend i was planning to go up to Norfolk for a few days to see my nephews and i was going to go paintballing with Mark. After thinking about the amount of work ahead of me and forming a tentative revision timetable, i phoned Mark up and told him i would not be able to make it afterall and i would have to visit in the summer. I found myself choking up and having to fight to stop my voice going all funny. The last thing i want is for my brother to think i am falling apart. This took me somewhat by surprise as i had not realised that i was upset about anything at this particular moment. I thought i must be tired and anxious about the amount of work i have to do. But the reason i felt like crying was because i kept thinking that i would not have seen my brother for 6 months by the time the summer comes round. What on earth has happened to make me so emotional and setimental? I am falling apart. Send for the men in white coats.

To Cheltenham & Gloucester and Back Again

2007-03-19T09:30:00.000Z

The story of my St. Patrick's Day Weekend

I hope everyone celebrated Paddy's Day in style.

I went to cheltenham on Friday with my housemates to soak in the atmosphere of the post gold cup celebrations. It was a great evening, i liked Cheltenham and there were enough random people in for the races to keep a people watcher like me amused for days. It was particularly amusing to watch Rachel's boyfriend Steve and his friend Carlos who had been drinking steadily throughout the whole day, culminating in Steve being slumped over a bar, eyes glazed over but still drinking on automatic. They were still going when we decided we had enough and went back to Rachel's. When they staggered back later Steve fell on the sofa bed where Laura and Shiv were attempting to sleep and he proceeded to breathe on Shiv asking her if his breath smelt. poor shiv couldn't escape because he was pinning down the sleeping bag in which she was zipped up in. When i went into the kitchen the next morning there was a naked man sleeping on the kitchen floor with a sheep skin rug as his only covering. Strange people in cheltenham.

The next day being St Patrick's Day and the last day of the 6 nations rugby, we took ourselves to o'neils to join in the celebrations. 3 rugby matches, a silly guiness hat, and several magners later and Laura and I parted company with everyone else and went to catch the 8.02 train to Reading. When we got to Cheltenham Spa train station we discovered that it was not a direct train and that we would have to change at Bristol Parkway. So we get on the train and we wait for the conductor to come along so we can buy our tickets. We knew it was a bad sign when we stated our destination and he said "Where??"

After some very confusing dialogue he eventually told us that if we changed at Bristol parkway we would have to pay 40 pounds but if we went to swindon it would only be 19 pounds. being students we decided the cheaper option was the right one, even though that meant getting off at Gloucester and getting another train back the way we had just come. Unfortunately we then discovered the train was coming for another hour and a half. So we wandered into Gloucester and two magners later and we were finally on a train heading in the right direction. In the end it turned out the ticket was only 10 pounds cheaper and we spent that on drinks in Gloucester.

Of course that was not the end of my St patricks weekend. Yesterday London Irish were playing London Wasps at Madejski stadium. Irish won 16-13 and the celebrations flowed on into the town. Go Irish!

better late than never

2007-03-16T09:24:00.000Z

I'm late again for the Thursday photo archive.

I long to be anywhere but here so i present another photo of the sea.

Monday is the new Thursday...

2007-03-12T19:07:00.000Z

...at least for today. I could not post a photo for the Thursday photo archive because my internet connection went down and so here is my offering instead. A photo of Brighton last summer to remind me of what joys await me in the carefree days to come. In the words of Mrs Bennett: "A little sea-bathing would set me up forever!"

Un bel di vedremo

2007-03-12T18:54:00.000Z

The end is in sight (at least for this term), i have two weeks left of lectures and then 2 weeks of placement. This weekend gone I decided to take a break and on Saturday I went to see Madam Butterfly at the Royal Albert Hall. It was beautiful and I found that the plight of cio cio san still manages to move me to tears. The stage was wonderfully done with candles floating out on to the lake as 'night' descended. I was like a little girl eagerly awaiting some wonderful treat as i sat down in my seat and as Un bel di vedremo was sung i had goosebumps on my arms. For a few hours i forgot everything and nothing existed but the story unfolding before me.

Marrying the Sea Till Death Do Us Part

2007-03-04T15:50:00.000Z

Well I stood before the ocean
In the middle of the night
And ‘cos I loved her so
I asked her then if she would be my wife
Then I closed my eyes and waited
And I listened for an answer
Until she kissed my feet
And whispered I could not give you my answer
And then as she walked me up and down along the shore
She said you’re far too young to marry me
For I am old as old can be
And I’ve been wed with many men
But for all my love I far outlived them all.

So I went to her the next night
All a merry-ed up with wine
And I asked her for her long blue hand
For to hold hers there in mine
And then once again I waited
And I listened for awhile
Until I heard her voice come
Crashing in the waves
That broke all round for miles and miles
She said how could I place my trust in thee
When I am bound and you are free
See so many men have took my hand
And so many of them left me for the land

There were fisherman, whalers, seamen and sailors
But for all it’s just me and the moon
And for each star above me
Ten more have loved me
How could it be different with you
So when It was quiet on the third night
I said my life is in your hands
You can keep me for the time I have
Or I’ll lie here on the sand
And it was quiet on the third night
As I took off my shoes
But as I walked into her arms she said
Sure what have I to lose.

Declan O'Rourke

There's been a mistake

2007-03-04T10:44:00.000Z

Is there another Brianne out there, who applied to study speech and language therapy at Reading Uni? I think they offered me your place accidentally. It took me two years to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, i don't deserve to be here. I should have stuck to books and left people alone. I'm really going to disapoint my parents this time when i fail this course. Why at 25 should i still be bothered by that? i don't know but i starting to get the sneaking suspicion that it is a feeling that wont ever leave me.

right, someone slap me, i have to stop being so self-pitying. i need a fallback plan. I can get an office job somewhere. Esther, does your company need anyone?

Photo Thursday

2007-03-01T21:45:00.000Z

Carcassonne. looking down on the cathedral below.

3 summers ago, when i was carefree and didn't realise that i would one day be hiding in the ladies trying to control my tears before going back to clinic or that i would be wandering down roads feeling lost and trying to think of a way out.

It hasn't been the best of weeks and it feels like the culmination of all the stress i have been feeling lately. This weekend I am going to woolacombe with my housemates. i wasn't going to go but I think if i stay here this weekend i might do something i will regret.

I thought i was just going to type a quick note about the photo.

so...castle, sun, swimming in lakes, good holiday. bye

My cat is dead

2007-02-23T19:30:00.000Z

An Unusual Cat-Poem
by Wendy Cope

My cat is dead
But I have decided not to make a big tragedy of it.

RIP Gemma

Thursday Photo Extravaganza

2007-02-22T18:35:00.000Z

The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me
And I cannot, cannot go.

The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow.
And the storm is fast descending,
And yet I cannot go.

Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below;
But nothing drear can move me;
I will not, cannot go.

Spellbound
by Emily Brontë

Photo Archive Thursdays

2007-02-15T21:18:00.000Z

Esther has been looking through her photos and has decided to do photo archive thursdays - a different photo from the archive going up every Thursday. I have decided to join her in this (although I doubt mine will be as good). It will be interesting to see what memories they will bring up.

Photo Archive #1

Lights & Mirrors

Visiting Esther around New Year 05-06 with Lammie. Est took us to a bar/restaurant (the name of which I cannot remember) and this is a photo of one mirrored wall reflecting all the different lights. I liked the colours so much i made it my screen wallpaper.

25th birthday

2007-02-13T13:04:00.000Z

My birthday week has come to an end. A week of snow, ids, strange men in bars asking me to say sausage (apparently this would prove i was 25), nudity and men in drag, family and friends and laughter. i also receieved a speech therapist's survival kit which i will no doubt be needing more and more as this year goes on.Thank you to everyone who made it so special.

Birthday Snow

2007-02-08T09:15:00.000Z

I woke up at half past seven this morning to the sound of laura whispering on the landing "Siobhan" in a very excited manner. I realised it must have snowed if Laura was up and about trying to wake people up. I have never seen a child get half as excited as Laura does about snow. I looked out my window and sure enough the world was sugar coated. I wandered out of my bedroom and heard Laura "Brianne, Brianne, have you looked outside! We have to go outside". So Laura, Rachel and I wrapped up against the cold and went over the road to the park (Siobhan sensibly stayed inside). No one else had been out yet and the park looked perfect. We had snowball fights, built a snowman and had competitions to see who could jump the farthest. I felt like a kid again and quite carfree. Rachel said it was my birthday snow.

It's not my birtday until Saturday but last night when i got back from placement, the girls said that my birthday week starts now. We all find placements quite stressful and i think we all needed to let loose. So wine was opened and Helen came over to make apple crumble (as she had promised she would do for my birthday. It's my favourite dessert) but for some reason the girls would not let me into the kitchen. I thought they must be doing something extra special with this apple crumble. Then the lights went out in the living room and they emerged from the kitchen with a chocolate birthday cake covered in dolly mixtures and with four candles. Laura had made it that afternoon. Tonight we are all going ouot to Thai Corner for a meal and Saturday night I am going to see Twelfth Night at the Old Vic, so it really does feel like this is my birthday week. I feel very lucky to have once again found myself living with such a great group of people. I have been very blessed in my friends.

2007-02-01T09:56:00.000Z

First post of the month. I feel i am step closer to finishing the course now that January is out of the way and this month i turn 25 (which is obviously very exciting for everyone who reads this). I have been ill this week and i am wondering if i was made to feel worse by the fact that i have got myself so worked up about my Wednesday placement. I woke up yesterday morning and the dread hit me straight away and i wanted to just crawl under my blankets and hide. The day went alright in the end (although i still can't believe they will ever let me qualify as a speech and language therapist).

I think we all were feeling a little light headed yesterday evening havening survived to another Wednesday evening (i'm not the only person in this house who dreads placements) and after a celebratory beer we were all sitting around the dining table playing 'panpipes' with our san miguel bottles (we know how to rock and roll). This was followed by a couple of episodes of the Forsyte Saga, a dvd we found in the house when we moved in. Earlier in the week Rachel B made the comment that period dramas were porn for women (this was after watching North & South), all we need to see is the man touch the woman's hand or stroke her face, thats enough for us (she also described N&S as four hours of foreplay leading up to that final scene on the train platform).

Now the countdown to placements starts again and for the next week the dread shall build up again.

the winds long to play

2007-01-19T19:37:00.000Z

Yesterday I walked home tugged here and there by strong winds and tried to remember a time when the winds had ever been this strong before in the south. Making my way across campus the winds were thrashing furiously and seemed to scratch and smack at the air around them. Tiles were skittering off roofs and branches were scattered across paths. Bewildered students (nothing to do with the weather, this is their usual state of mind) staggered down paths and sought shelter. I thought it was all so beautiful. The clouds were ominously grey overhead but somewhere beyond the trees a gap in the clouds allowed the sun through and everything was bathed in the slanting golden light. How could the world seem so silent and so noisy all at once? As if the world sat back and watched the trees fight it out with the winds. I was at turns hit by the wind from the side, pushed back so I had to fight for every step and, best of all, swept up from behind walking with the wind picking up my feet and whipping my scarf and hair around me. I remembered as a child waking up one morning, looking out my window and seeing a tree in the garden that had not been there the night before.

and forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair
Kahlil Gibran

2007-01-13T18:47:00.000Z

A review of 2006 taken from my posts for each month.

January: I am back in reading and i once again have internet access!! woohoo!! procrastination here we come!! (that's the royal we of course).

February: It was my birthday last weekend, i am now 24.

March: I have a test in phonetics on monday and part of this is an oral in which i will get a one of nine possible cards on which will be printed 6 phonetic symbols and i will have to produce the sounds those symbols represent.

April: I have returned to university having survived my first placement, a coffee free lent and holidays with my family.

May: HURRAH!!! It's thursday evening i survived my second day of second placement, it's summer, I have a party to go to, and my brother Mark got the job he was being interviewed for today!!
One Blond's Journey to Brugge
The exams are over for the year and i survived.
(i felt all these posts should be mentioned for May).

June: A little sea-bathing would set me up forever!
Yesterday some of us went on a road trip to Brighton.

July: I can't sleep tonight so I have decided to blog about leaving Sibly.

August: (no posts)
September: (no posts)

October: The Return of the SLT Student

November: I am locked in my house.

December: Curiosity killed the cat...
The future of speech and language therapyAs i sat in the living room last night, trying to get some reading done, i became aware of a noise as if people were jumping up and down on the floor somewhere above me.

Christmas Party Photos

2006-12-17T11:07:00.000Z

Fionn Regan

2006-12-15T11:14:00.000Z

Last night some of us went to the Fionn Regan concert in Islington at Union Chapel. It was such a great venue and not what i expected at all. It was small and initmate and dark with a beautiful stained glass window above the stage. We crammed into church pews and listened to beautiful mellow music and stories about being attacked by ostriches and warnings not to piss on electric fences, before watching fionn fall off the stage. It was wonderful to tip my head back and listen to the music bounce around the dome above my head. At first i was slightly distracted by the hairstyle of fionn regan which kept reminding me of luke skywalker's hair in episode IV.In a room upstairs there was a bar which maintained the dim lighting. It was wonderful to sit with my friends with a glass of mulled wine, soaking in the atmosphere, nestled in the shadows and just feel absolutely content. We have reached the end of the term and we are a step closer to qualification.

My version of events

2006-12-13T16:18:00.000Z

Esther sometimes blogs about the people she sees and who or what she imagines they might be. Her latest subject can be read about here. Below is my alternative insight into this stranger...

(to be read in some indefinable, unplaceable, foreign accent)

Day one on new job as international spy (well maybe not so international, they have stuck me in cold and wet Belfast, but musn’t complain). Where was I?...Day one and I am on the bus on my way to my rendez-vous with Legrand Bouche, my contact over here. It is my mission to find out who has been selling all our secrets (like my recipe for grilled cheese sandwhiches, I recognised it in that new cookbook Bouche gave me in the secret santa). I have chosen my teacher disguise and I have placed my mission plans inside this book ‘the state of Africa’ so no one will realise what I am actually reading. One minute, what is that woman looking at? Out of the corner of my eye I can see that she keeps looking over here. She is trying to be surreptitious but I know a spy when I see one! That isn’t an ipod! It’s a death ray! (why don’t I get one of those? What do I get? A bloody cookbook.). Aha! She is looking out the window I will get out quickly at the next stop before she can stop me. Oh no! She is looking my way! Stay calm, pretend to be a teacher, think like a teacher; Get out of my way you stupid schoolboys!

That was close, but she may get off at the next stop and double back. I must find somewhere to get lost for a little while. I wonder if there are any of those ‘European nightclubs” like in Alias, I could wear my Jennifer Garner disguise…

Christmas celebrations

2006-12-10T10:55:00.000Z

Friday night was our christmas meal. We all seemed to have been looking forward to it for so long; getting through the last few weeks by thinking of a weekend when we can all let loose. It was a great time and it was lovely for us all to be together and relaxed. The food was great, the company even better. Afterwards we went to revolution for a boogie and it seemed all of esther's weirdo's were gathered in one room. I felt like telling a few of them that they were in the wrong place "esther's in N. Ireland" but i don't think they would have heard me over the music. Later as we sat in the SLT house we wondered if all men get like that when pissed. Do the nice guys we know, when out in an all male group and after a few drinks, get like that? Decide it's okay to go up to a group of women and grope them? Did those guys really think that a leer and a wink will make it okay?

Sunday (after a long lie in) we went to watch the rugby (London Irish v Ulster). It was great (at times it was like watching a wildlife documentary when rhinos charge into each other) London Irish won. (esther, your accent was everywhere last night, maybe thats why the weirdos were so confused and unable o home in on you) Helen and I were caught on camera doing the warm up dance (a photo of this will be put up here at some point). It felt like winter last night, crisp and cold. We walked home quickly and huddled on the sofa in our pyjamas and blankets eating pizza, drinking wine and watching cocktail. We laughed at the thought of tom cruise standing on orange crates for kissing scenes and talked about our favourite cocktails. Work seemed very far away.

Curiosity killed the cat...

2006-12-01T16:30:00.000Z

The future of speech and language therapy

As i sat in the living room last night, trying to get some reading done, i became aware of a noise as if people were jumping up and down on the floor somewhere above me. I chose to ignore it, determined to finish reading the article on cochlear implants. After about 15 seconds the noise stopped and i continued with my work. Then a few moments later the noise started again and this time i could hear laughter (don't worry i'm not imagining things and hearing voices...well no more than usual). I tried to keep my resolve not to be disturbed from my work but this time curiosity got the better of me and i abandoned my work and went to investigate.

...but satisfaction brought it back.

I started to climb the stairs up to the first floor but i saw nothing to explain the noise so i turned the corner and looked up the second flight of steps and saw Laura jumping and dancing around on the landing between her and siobhan's rooms. I could faintly hear music drifting from Laura's room. I asked her what was going on but i received no reply then the song hit the chorus, Laura jumped down into a crouch and Gemma and Shiv emerged from the rooms to either side of her, jazz hands out and then they jumped back out of sight. The dancing/jumping continued and the girls continued to emerge from the rooms on the chorus, big grins on their faces. This went on for awhile and Rachel attempted to take a photo but they would not stay still long enough.

Bits N Pieces

2006-11-29T10:07:00.000Z

Last night, after an educational viewing of Trinny and Susannah's show on ITV, my housemates started talking about the parts of their bodies they hate and what they would change. You would realise how ridiculous this is if you saw the them because they are all of them good looking women. I think they need to be more Gestaltian in their thinking and realise the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts. More importantly, they are some of the nicest people i have ever met. They are generous and kind, hard working (most of the time), fun and supportive. I have been very lucky to live in this house and i shall miss what we have here (but i am still looking forward to the end of this year).

2006-11-27T21:44:00.000Z

The Cult of the Inner Banana

Unleash your Inner Banana

Just a little nod to Keele days.

Escape and beyond

2006-11-27T21:31:00.000Z

I did escape the house in the end, as you may have guessed (or perhaps you thought i was stuck in the house all weekend and was forced to eat my own leg to stave off hunger and put a match to my clothes to gain warmth. This did not happen but it might have).

It was Amy's birthday celebrations at the weekend (so sorry i almost forgot to turn up, well i actually i did forget so thank you for the text). It was lovely to see her, Lammie and Rachel and catch up. I think i go slightly hyper when i see more than one uni friend at a time, i think perhaps my mind is confused and thinks i am 21 again and crazy (obviously i am now mature and sensible and talk about grown up things with grown up people and don't talk about unleashing bananas).

I went to the scissor sisters concert at Wembley Arena yesterday. There was glitter, dancing, glitter, high waisted trousers, glitter, flashing bunny ears and more glitter. They certainly put on a good show and i got the feeling that they were enjoying themselves so much they would have quite happily have performed even without an audience.

I have only three weeks left of term. I will make it to Christmas even if i have drag my battered mind over the broken glass of these final days and fall bloody and whimpering in the rags of my weakened sanity.

Have a good week people!

Kiss kiss.

Trapped (the update)

2006-11-22T15:45:00.000Z

The lock now works from the outside. Gemma's window is now the exit and the front door is just for entering the house.

Our neighbours think we are mad.

We couldn't get out the back gate because it is too overgrown, so we spent some moments in contemplation of the next door neighbour's garden wondering if they would mind if we climbed over and knocked on their kitchen window.

Us: "Hello! We're from next door."
Neighbours: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Then Gemma realised we could escape out her window.

Trapped

2006-11-22T14:56:00.000Z

I am locked in my house.

I cannot believe this is happening to me but the lock on the front door will not budge. I now have to wait for the locksmith to arrive to free me. I am trapped on the inside and no one else can get in.

Don't forget me word! i am still here. Just slip food parcels through the letterbox (i think only chocolate bars will fit through but i will cope) and little messages of love and encouragement, bringing me news of the outside world.

Somehow, it makes sense that this should happen to me, who else? At least i am warm in here and i have my blog as a way to reach out to my loved ones.

If the front door doesn't open i may have to climb over the back fence and escape through the cemetery (i might wait until morning though).

2006-11-03T12:37:00.000Z

The Return of the SLT Student

2006-10-13T16:17:00.000Z

I'm back in Reading and i have moved into the SLT house. The first week of final year is over and i am feeling slightly dazed. I am confused and stressed and i have lost count of the number of times i have said "i can't wait for this year to be over." It is hard to believe that in a years time (hopefully) I will be qualified and working (if they unfreeze the posts) as an SLT. Will there be a job for me at the end? is it the future for all SALT to become private?

The house is working out well and is really rather nice for a student house although it still has a few very studenty characteristics like the electricity cutting out when the washing machine goes into a fast spin.

this isn't a very interesting post but it is just my "hello again" to the world of blog.

Leaving Sibly

2006-06-30T23:49:00.000Z

I can't sleep tonight so I have decided to blog about leaving Sibly. Tomorrow I am moving into my new house in Reading. Most of my stuff has been moved out of my room here and is now in storage at my parents; I am living in a near empty room with a few boxes and bags of things I will move to st barth tomorrow. A lot of people moved out of the hall today and i feel a bit like i have stumbled onto the mary celeste. I feel like i should have moved out today. It's like sitting alone in a cinema after the movie has finished.

Right! now i am bloody angry! some bloody stupid idiots on a floor below me are throwing glass bottles out of their window! How bloody inconsiderate, someone else is going to have to clear that up.

Now i really wish i wasn't still here.

29 June 2006

2006-06-29T21:43:00.000Z

When i woke up this morning i did not realise that today would turn out to be so important to me. if i had not been so caught up in packing up all my wordly goods i may have noticed it creeping up.

The first one was finished today and although things may change i will always remember today i looked at it in its first flush of youth and i am making it happen.

Dreams can come true.

Survivors

2006-06-28T14:24:00.000Z

We have survived the first year of the MSc course (and now trying not to think about the second year).

Moving Amy

2006-06-28T14:09:00.000Z

Lammie and I oversaw Amy packing to make sure it got done. Unfortunately it was hotter than hell in that attic and we were tortured by the presence of two electrical fans which didn't work.

I documented the move with my camera whilst Lammie actually did something practical and helpful.

The return of the grad ball handbag was perhaps a little overwhelming for Amy.

Ranting

2006-06-26T18:55:00.000Z

Rant No. 1
For the love of all that is holy people! are you trying to lose people from this course? Give us a little support here! Give Rachel back her 10%!

Rant No. 2
Rude people in supermarkets who push pass you to get to the tomatoes without saying excuse me or apologising. I was tempted to throw myself to the floor like a football player and roll around screaming that she had thrown me to the floor just because she couldn't get to the produce quick enough.

Rant No. 3
Why does my brother have to steal my mother for babysitting duties on the very day i need help moving house? How is that fair? Don't expect to be invited round for tea anytime soon!

That's enough

2006-06-12T15:34:00.000Z

s**t f**k b****r f**k s**t ^*%^%$£"%*@^%$@£"$%@@*£"@@"$%^?<@^%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the presentation did not go well.

I passed at least but i hated the feedback because i knew what it would say. i know i am bad at presentations, i don't do public speaking (unless it is in a completely social setting after i have had a few drinks and i am standing on a table. but moving on). I am feeling completely and utterly useless, i did not want to go to that seminar this afternoon because all i could think about was how bloody awful i was. I keep expecting them at some point to take me to one side and recommend to me quietly that i should drop the course. I got my neurology marks back today and i got 85%. Such news would normally feel me with joy but it is overshadowed by my bloody poor presentation.

Anyway in other news I have definitely got the milton keynes placement and i'm just waiting to hear the actual dates of it.

Now i am going to get myself away from this computer and this room because for the next few days i shall be holed up here trying to get an essay done for friday, but for the rest of today i am going to go out and enjoy the sunshine. hasta luego.

2006-06-11T14:44:00.000Z

I am a bad aunt. Today is Hayden's christening in Loddon (no, i have spelt that correctly, it is in Norfolk) and i couldn't go because i have too much work on. sorry kiddo but i will always be there for you if you really needed me, if you were sick or in trouble. When you are a teenager (or younger because remember you're a Considine) and completely hammered and need to hide from your parents, i will be there to provide you with a place of refuge. You will also be grateful that there is one less person to remind you of how you screamed at the christening and threw up on the vicar (or something similar). I change my mind, I am a wonderful aunt. Love you kiddo.

A little sea-bathing would set me up forever!

2006-06-10T07:45:00.000Z

Yesterday some of us went on a road trip to Brighton.

It took us four hours to get there because the M25 was closed due to an accident and i had lead everyone on a guided tour of surrey trying to find an alternative route; unfortunately many other people were doing this.

2006-05-25T21:13:00.000Z