It was early on a Wednesday morning; the train creeped slowly up to the platform. Soon I was boarding the full train to London Bridge, leaning up against a chair to steady myself as the train moved off as there was no seat to be had. A man stepped onto the busy coach and stood across the aisle from me, little more than a foot away. I looked past him out the window beyond; the sun was breaking through the clouds. As the train set off it soon became apparent that something was wrong with this man. Did he have no control over his hand? Had an alien invader entered his trousers as he waited on the station platform? Perhaps something vital was missing and he could not believe it was no longer there? Whatever it was, this poor man could not stop from investigating his crotch area...
Honestly! What was he thinking? He could not leave himself alone. Every couple of minutes he was leaning over slightly one way or another and having a good scratch or feel of his crotch. I felt quite awkward, there was no way that he could have thought he was being discrete about it and I had to work hard to school my face to show no sign that I had noticed this strange behaviour. I was tempted to advise him to seek medical help because that much scratching can't be a good sign surely? Maybe he had suddenly realised something was missing and was desperately attempting to find it before panic set in.
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Conversations on a train
17.29 train from London Bridge to Horsham.
I step onto the train within plenty of time and sit down (soggy and bedraggled from my walk through the rain in Islington, dodging puddles and standing well back at pedestrian crossings as cars drove by with a wave). Two women squeeze onto the train moments before it sets off. A curly ginger haired woman sits next to me and her brunette companion sits across from her. The conversation commences thus:
Ginger: "Did I tell you we put an advert in the Metro? We did but it was only small, but I spoke to Linda and she said she would include us. We need someone to cover Knightsbridge or Kensington but we don't know where we are going or who will replace us and we really need someone. They could do 10 'til 5 or 11 'til 6 so I told Casey and said 'you would be perfect, you should totally apply' But she would prbably do 11 'til 6 'cos she loves her bed (titter) but that would totally suit her. But now I'm going to help with recruitment 'cos we need someone there."
Brunette: "hmmmm"
Ginger: "and I rang Lucy and she said she bought cream! Yes cream! Can you believe it? Of course you can't! And she walks in last night and is all "whats that smell?!" and I'm like "what smell?" and she's "that smell!" Because I had eaten eggs but I had gotten rid of the smell.
Brunette: "yeah?"
(at this point this non-stop one-sided conversation has been going on for 20 minutes. I am so wet and tired and longing for a little peace and quiet that I have to struggle with myself not to turn around, shake her and yell "SHUT UP!!!")
Ginger: "So next week I'm on holiday and Steve is all I haven't booked the time off! and I tell him you either get on that plane or this is off! Because I have my new bikini and I have booked my tanning salon session."
(Ginger Yawns, thereby taking her first breath.
Ginger: "This train is taking so much longer than usual!"
(At this point Brunette makes her first multi-syllablic utterance)
Brunette: "Yeah, you're usually off the train by now."
Ginger: (Nervous titter) "Sorry to have been such an inconvenience" (Nervous titter) ..."So Steve took me out to that new Thai place..."
I step onto the train within plenty of time and sit down (soggy and bedraggled from my walk through the rain in Islington, dodging puddles and standing well back at pedestrian crossings as cars drove by with a wave). Two women squeeze onto the train moments before it sets off. A curly ginger haired woman sits next to me and her brunette companion sits across from her. The conversation commences thus:
Ginger: "Did I tell you we put an advert in the Metro? We did but it was only small, but I spoke to Linda and she said she would include us. We need someone to cover Knightsbridge or Kensington but we don't know where we are going or who will replace us and we really need someone. They could do 10 'til 5 or 11 'til 6 so I told Casey and said 'you would be perfect, you should totally apply' But she would prbably do 11 'til 6 'cos she loves her bed (titter) but that would totally suit her. But now I'm going to help with recruitment 'cos we need someone there."
Brunette: "hmmmm"
Ginger: "and I rang Lucy and she said she bought cream! Yes cream! Can you believe it? Of course you can't! And she walks in last night and is all "whats that smell?!" and I'm like "what smell?" and she's "that smell!" Because I had eaten eggs but I had gotten rid of the smell.
Brunette: "yeah?"
(at this point this non-stop one-sided conversation has been going on for 20 minutes. I am so wet and tired and longing for a little peace and quiet that I have to struggle with myself not to turn around, shake her and yell "SHUT UP!!!")
Ginger: "So next week I'm on holiday and Steve is all I haven't booked the time off! and I tell him you either get on that plane or this is off! Because I have my new bikini and I have booked my tanning salon session."
(Ginger Yawns, thereby taking her first breath.
Ginger: "This train is taking so much longer than usual!"
(At this point Brunette makes her first multi-syllablic utterance)
Brunette: "Yeah, you're usually off the train by now."
Ginger: (Nervous titter) "Sorry to have been such an inconvenience" (Nervous titter) ..."So Steve took me out to that new Thai place..."
Saturday, February 07, 2009
25 Random Things
The '25 random things' chain letter (copied from a note on facebook)
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. My new year resolution was to try lots of new things (this was also to include things I hadn’t done in a long time that I wanted to do again).
2. there is a mark on my neck which looks like a tiny hole and has been there since my birth and my grandmother would tell me it was where God cast off when he made me. I have recently found out that 2 other members of my family have this same mark.
3. I love reading fantasy/sci fi fiction and used to get upset as a child when none of the things in the stories happened in real life.
4. I love to dance round the house to the sound of Cat Stevens singing ‘I’ve found a love’ (actually any song will do but this one holds particularly good memories).
5. I hate it when people turn over the corners of book pages.
6. I love licorice pipes.
7. I once went on a road trip in the US of A with 2 good friends and a car called ‘Douglas’.
8. Eddie Izzard is a comic genius and Darth Vadar does not need a tray!
9. I was once stranded with two friends on a tiny desert island in the Caribbean and there was a big storm, glowing plankton, a good and a bad dog and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
10. My name is an amalgamation of my parents – Brian and Anne.
11. Dune is one of my favorite films…He who controls the Spice controls the universe.
12. My dad refused to agree on a boys name for me before my birth insisting that I would be a girl, as they entered the hospital on my birthday my mum insisted that he accept that they may have another son and what were they going to name it. ‘William Charles’ he said. ‘how did you think of that name?’ she asked. He pointed to the sign above the toilet ‘WC’. I was almost named after a toilet.
13. I love the adverts for the natural confectionary company sweets, they make me laugh so much I cry.
14. When I went to see the secondary school I would be attending, I met a strange girl carrying a dead, and very dried up, lizard.
15. ‘release your inner banana’ – either you get it or you don’t.
16. I never did find out who alien girl was.
17.I love to go to the Tate modern on a Sunday and then walk along the river surreptitiously people watching.
18. I get to play as part of my job.
19. I love thunder storms.
20. everybody should have friends who they can play Gladiators with and do home made assault courses.
21. I understand what it means to be asked ‘topol?’ and the answer is ‘yes, I will thanks’.
22. sometimes the Christmas turkey wants revenge even if that means pulling its half eaten carcass out of the rubbish bag, climbing up the steps and knocking on the door (and it will return if you try to throw it away again). Just remember, if you’re not a vegetarian it’s coming after you. Turkey’s gonna get you…
23. Mr Newtie still rents space on the top shelf of my wardrobe from time to time (when he’s taking time out from the spy business).
24. I should make more of an effort to keep in touch with old friends. They are all amazing people.
25. I love the word ‘ocean’. The actual thing is pretty brilliant too.
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. My new year resolution was to try lots of new things (this was also to include things I hadn’t done in a long time that I wanted to do again).
2. there is a mark on my neck which looks like a tiny hole and has been there since my birth and my grandmother would tell me it was where God cast off when he made me. I have recently found out that 2 other members of my family have this same mark.
3. I love reading fantasy/sci fi fiction and used to get upset as a child when none of the things in the stories happened in real life.
4. I love to dance round the house to the sound of Cat Stevens singing ‘I’ve found a love’ (actually any song will do but this one holds particularly good memories).
5. I hate it when people turn over the corners of book pages.
6. I love licorice pipes.
7. I once went on a road trip in the US of A with 2 good friends and a car called ‘Douglas’.
8. Eddie Izzard is a comic genius and Darth Vadar does not need a tray!
9. I was once stranded with two friends on a tiny desert island in the Caribbean and there was a big storm, glowing plankton, a good and a bad dog and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
10. My name is an amalgamation of my parents – Brian and Anne.
11. Dune is one of my favorite films…He who controls the Spice controls the universe.
12. My dad refused to agree on a boys name for me before my birth insisting that I would be a girl, as they entered the hospital on my birthday my mum insisted that he accept that they may have another son and what were they going to name it. ‘William Charles’ he said. ‘how did you think of that name?’ she asked. He pointed to the sign above the toilet ‘WC’. I was almost named after a toilet.
13. I love the adverts for the natural confectionary company sweets, they make me laugh so much I cry.
14. When I went to see the secondary school I would be attending, I met a strange girl carrying a dead, and very dried up, lizard.
15. ‘release your inner banana’ – either you get it or you don’t.
16. I never did find out who alien girl was.
17.I love to go to the Tate modern on a Sunday and then walk along the river surreptitiously people watching.
18. I get to play as part of my job.
19. I love thunder storms.
20. everybody should have friends who they can play Gladiators with and do home made assault courses.
21. I understand what it means to be asked ‘topol?’ and the answer is ‘yes, I will thanks’.
22. sometimes the Christmas turkey wants revenge even if that means pulling its half eaten carcass out of the rubbish bag, climbing up the steps and knocking on the door (and it will return if you try to throw it away again). Just remember, if you’re not a vegetarian it’s coming after you. Turkey’s gonna get you…
23. Mr Newtie still rents space on the top shelf of my wardrobe from time to time (when he’s taking time out from the spy business).
24. I should make more of an effort to keep in touch with old friends. They are all amazing people.
25. I love the word ‘ocean’. The actual thing is pretty brilliant too.
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