Conversations on a train

17.29 train from London Bridge to Horsham.

I step onto the train within plenty of time and sit down (soggy and bedraggled from my walk through the rain in Islington, dodging puddles and standing well back at pedestrian crossings as cars drove by with a wave). Two women squeeze onto the train moments before it sets off. A curly ginger haired woman sits next to me and her brunette companion sits across from her. The conversation commences thus:

Ginger: "Did I tell you we put an advert in the Metro? We did but it was only small, but I spoke to Linda and she said she would include us. We need someone to cover Knightsbridge or Kensington but we don't know where we are going or who will replace us and we really need someone. They could do 10 'til 5 or 11 'til 6 so I told Casey and said 'you would be perfect, you should totally apply' But she would prbably do 11 'til 6 'cos she loves her bed (titter) but that would totally suit her. But now I'm going to help with recruitment 'cos we need someone there."

Brunette: "hmmmm"

Ginger: "and I rang Lucy and she said she bought cream! Yes cream! Can you believe it? Of course you can't! And she walks in last night and is all "whats that smell?!" and I'm like "what smell?" and she's "that smell!" Because I had eaten eggs but I had gotten rid of the smell.

Brunette: "yeah?"

(at this point this non-stop one-sided conversation has been going on for 20 minutes. I am so wet and tired and longing for a little peace and quiet that I have to struggle with myself not to turn around, shake her and yell "SHUT UP!!!")

Ginger: "So next week I'm on holiday and Steve is all I haven't booked the time off! and I tell him you either get on that plane or this is off! Because I have my new bikini and I have booked my tanning salon session."

(Ginger Yawns, thereby taking her first breath.

Ginger: "This train is taking so much longer than usual!"

(At this point Brunette makes her first multi-syllablic utterance)

Brunette: "Yeah, you're usually off the train by now."

Ginger: (Nervous titter) "Sorry to have been such an inconvenience" (Nervous titter) ..."So Steve took me out to that new Thai place..."