Merry Christmas

It only takes a couple of drinks for Bob to get the hat out. Ho ho ho!

I am rediscovering muscles in my thighs that I had forgotten (they are screaming at me). Perhaps a return to horse-riding was not such a good idea...ouch.

The Orange

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

By Wendy Cope

there is nothing like the feel of the wind in your fur to make you feel like a new dog.

photo archive

During the week a speech and language therapist...
...at the weekend a wrestler.

who on earth convinced me to put this on for the photo.

are you okay?

no

why?

that's the problem...no bugger knows

oh...I meant...are you okay right now, I mean relatively speaking?

I'm getting weaker and weaker...ha ha I might not be here in the morning.

...

I love you...I'm proud of you.

The Return

strange to think that the last time I posted I was in a limbo, caught between the end of one phase of my life and not realising that very soon another would begin. I had just finished my masters and feeling daunted by the idea of trying to get a job. Then n November 2007 I started my current job and just over a year on i am no longer a newly qulified therapist, i am a fully fledged speech and language therapist.



It seems a shame that I have abandoned this blog. So I am re-inspired by the Polley sisters and I shall once again return and continue with the thursday photo blogs (although they shall be more like random day of the week photo blog).

Autumn

I had forgotten just how much I loved this time of year. The last couple of years I had been so busy in the autumn settling into another academic year and starting new placements. I love putting on an extra layer of clothing and pulling my scarf close round my face as the days get cooler and I have watched the dark stormy clouds close in with delight (although as yet the storm has not delivered). The pavement outside my house is littered with the cases of fallen chestnuts and the conkers are bright and shiny and so full of colour. the house feels cosy and warm when I come inside and i appreciate the comforts of home more when it is cold outside. How beautiful it will be once the leaves turn, i must catch the moment before it passes and they are all gone.

On the tip of my fingers...

Scrabbling in my mind for the words that refuse to come. On the tip of my tongue to the tips of my fingers. Is this a picture of my life at the moment, grasping for dreams that slip away just beyond my reach like the winning words in a game of scrabble. I ponder over which direction to take. Which tile and space on the board will bring me the greatest reward? After I make my move is it too late? My words are laid and that turn will never be played again.

Sometimes the words remain infuriatingly on the tip of my tongue and sometimes they slip off too easily and can never be unsaid.

Esther is right to say words are amazing. The right words, the wrong words. How they can change our lives. The words we use in an interview, the words we use in a moment of anger or tiredness, the words which bring a smile to a stranger's face.

The tiles cannot be unplayed, the words will not be unsaid. But sometimes when all seems lost, our next words can change this game we're playing.

where do you go little bird...

I handed my dissertation in yesterday and it was just as much the anticlimax as i suspected it would be. That's it. All I can do I have done. now i wait to hear what results i get and whether I get my Masters. whatever that means.

What do i do now? I don't know and that's scary and exciting. I have never felt so alive as when i am cut free and drifting, lifted on a wave and sent crashing down at the same moment. What is the right choice to make at this time? Is it right that at this time when my dad is unwell i am considering a position abroad? I think i'm learning to let go and I know that my decisions are not as permanent as I think they are. I'm still young and i'm going to try a few things out and see what happens. If it doesn't work out then so what.

When I was about ten years old I stood in my parents living room at out house in chipstead way and i had what might be called a vision, a hallucination, a waking dream. Last night i kept thinking about it as i tried to sleep. As i stood there i saw before me standing in a line my dad, mum and my older brother Mark and as i watched they died and disappeared. As you can imagine it was quite upsetting at the time and i felt very alone. Last night I thought about how hard it must be to watch the people you love grow old and frail and eventually die. I don't want to bring that on someone.

I'm living back with my parents for the time being and i've been busy working on my dissertation. My Mum is in China at the moment so it's just me and my dad here. Last night i sat typing after my dad had gone to bed and I was listening to music through my headphones so i din't hear at first the noises my dad was making. Finally I took the headphones out and I could hear him thumping on the floor of his bedroom and swearing. It turned out he had fallen out of bed and couldn't get back up off the floor. He couldn't even sit himself up. The arthritis and the weakness from the stroke meant he could help himself. I tried to help him, pull him up, push him up, but i couldn't move his weight. he kept saying "I dont know what i'm going to do" and he wouldn't let me call for an ambulance. He was so embarrased he hadn't even called for me and he didnt want strangers in the house seeing what had happened. I kept trying to make a joke out of it but i really felt panicky. I finally got him up by pushing cushions under his hips until he was able to sit up and get his feet under him better than with me hauling on his arm we were able to get him up.

I'm so selfish. i hadn't how helpless i felt but it was my dad who was stuck on the floor. I'm scared that things will get only get worse and i can't help.

The breaking up of the fellowship......

Gemma and Shiv left yesterday and now the final three housemates are packing up their belongings and preparing to leave the SLT house.

These are my final student days (i have said that before but hopefully this time it's true). I have loved living in this house with these people. I have been really lucky in my experiences at university, both times I have met wonderful people who have made a real difference in my life. I'm really going to miss everyone from the course


Laura ...............................................Rachel


Sarah...............................................Helen


Kath...............................................Gemma


Siobhan..................................Kate


Naomi............................Sally


Bryony

how would I have got through these two years without them. Especially my housemates

I PASSED!!!!!!

I passed my clinical exams!!!! No retakes!!! I passed i passed i passed i passed i passed.

now i am going to find a dark room to go and lie down in before i pass out.

Party, Farewells and Roxanne

Exams are over, the course is almost over and in a weeks time we all move out of the SLT house. So we decided to finish of the year with a bang. I will never listen to the Roxanne song in quite the same way ever again.

THE FINAL EXAM

Yesterday was my last exam and i think it went okay. The important thing at the moment is that i have finished, finally i have finished with exams. This afternoon everyone will have finished and we can finally go out and celebrate and this evening Mrs Spottiswood will stop by. it will be nice to do something and see people who have nothing to do with speech and language therapy.

THE UNSEEN

Yesterday I had my unseen exam. The process started at 11.30am with the session with a paediatric client and finished at about 3.30pm with the end of my viva. it all went by so fast that i stepped out of the clinic at 3.30 feeling dazed and sure that I had in fact only arrived about 5 minutes ago. I never want to go through a day like that again. My anxiety levels were through the roof all day and i was awash with adrenalin. Last night I couldn't get to sleep because I kept replaying in my head the viva and all the stupid things i said. ARGH! i must not fail, i don't think i could face it again. i how have until thursday to prepare for the video exam next week.

6 days to go and counting...

Two Weeks To Go!!!!

i have been so ecstatic about finishing my written exams and sampling the social whirlwind that I have not taken time to blog. Last Thursday I had my fourth and final (forever please forever) written exam. The few days after that are a bit of a blur (there was some drinking I think) but now I am back to work because unfortunately the written exams were not the end. The scary bit is yet to come. Next Thursday i shall be fed to the lions (well, a small child actually), I have my clinical exam. I shall attempt to carry out an initial assessment on a small child whilst being watched by two examiners and then I shall have to justify why i did what I did. Great. the week after that is the adult exam.

It is almost over though. in a fortnight i would have finished (not counting my dissertation).

2 weeks until the end and counting...

my second exam is over, i'm halfway through the written exams (i almost didn't make it to the exam hall because i followed Gemma's 'shortcut'). two more exams to go, 2 clinical exams, 2 more days of placement and a dissertation to write...easy...

Here is my belated thursday photo:

The girl's of St. Bart's. hopefully those carefree days will be back again soon.

4 weeks until the end and counting...

Rudy

The puppy died yesterday. the poor thing made it through the first two nights but was not stong enough to keep going. He didn't die nameless though, because he had a red nose he gained the name of Ruldolph. Bye Rudy.

A step closer

My first exam is over and I think it went okay but, as I hate to dissect exams afterwards, I am not going to discuss it. I am a step closer to the end.

Bonnie's puppies were born today. there were four of them but one was still born and one is very sickly looking. Two are very healthy and typical little Jack Russells, I only hope the little one survives but I must admit I think there is not much chance of that; perhaps he/she will surprise me. Happy Birthday Puppies!

Please feel free to suggest names for the puppies.